Monday, February 2, 2009

Oh, Baby

This story was submitted by Pete:

One of the biggest blunders which I seem to repeat fairly often is the one of dating someone too soon after they have become separated. This is a common theme for me. One explanation is the fact that I live in a smaller city than say Boston, NYC or even Atlanta. I moved here freshly married and ready to start a medical practice. Divorce 12 years later never crossed either of our minds and if it had we probably would have chosen a different city in the first place. The other limiting factor is the fact that I am Jewish. Now, I married a woman who wasn't born Jewish and converted and certainly would not hesitate to marry someone non-Jewish again. But, why not try to find someone with some cultural similarities for change. Maybe our parents have some wisdom after all. So, this makes the dating pool look more pond like. The other possible explanation, is that up until recently I have not been interested in or capable of establishing a meaningful relationship and perhaps this has been a way to avid it. Who knows??

After I separated and began the divorce process I began to attend Hot Yoga classes near the house. I found it a wonderful way to energize, exercise and and stretch in ways that I never imagined I would ever be able to stretch. More importantly, I soon discovered that there simply was no place on earth that had more half naked, sweaty, barefoot and health conscious woman per square foot in the universe than this little sweat box. I made a point of going 3 times a week. Not only could I touch my toes for the first time in years but my head was relaxed, I slept like a baby and did I mention the sweaty bodies? One night after class I ended up talking to a woman who had become familiar from class as she attended the same exact nights. Turned out she had three kids, recently separated and this was her sole "do something for me " activity. I suggested that perhaps she should add another component and that after class next week we get a glass of wine together. They has showers in the studio so it would be easy. She was excited, as was I, having never actually asked anyone out from a yoga class. And, by the way I suck at yoga, really suck. So here was this really pretty woman still interested in a drink despite seeing me stretch and sweat like the middle age, not very limber man that I truly was. That probably should have been my first clue.

The following week we went out and had a nice time. She ended up coming over to the house after and we engaged in a short couch session. Heavy petting, litttle of this, little of that but clothes on the entire time. All good. I learned she was separated about 4 months, had three kids. Either I failed to ask their ages or she didn't tell me. I can't remember but I still did not know how old they were except I had the impression they were in grade school . She was 39 and a retired news caster from Oregon. Her ex was a banker but that is as much as we got into.
We did the same basic gig for another 2 weeks and it became apparent that we were clicking on a couple of different levels.

One little thing kept on happening that bothered me. She would get texts and/or phone calls frequently while we were out. At first I figured it was the sitter and at one point I asked her how old her sitter was. "Well, my sitter is my ex" . I then figure that this was their current situation--he would watch the kids while she did her thing at yoga. Why not, she had them all day, etc. Seemed fair. There seemed to be more to this but rather than talk more about it we ended up in bed and the topic didn't come up again for a week.

I called to ask her out on a proper date--dinner and movies-no yoga. At this point I was getting sore and had pulled a variety of things so as to not look like a complete idiot out there on the mat anyway. i could use a break. She hemmed and hawed about child care and then I realized that this was more of an issue than I thought. I have two kids but have worked out a pretty fair arrangement with my ex--doesn't always work that way for other couples. She finally agreed to make arrangements but she would come over my house. Another fair request, happens a lot, better this way than meeting kids, sitters, whatever until things move farther along. I totally got it plus that way at the end of the night there was a better shot at ending up romping around here.

Went thru the usual pre-game routine. Shower, shave, clean up, wine and cheese at the ready, good music. The doorbell rings and lo and behold there she is holding a bottle of wine and something that I could have sworn was a baby in a baby seat. Holy shit!! I was about to go out with a complete MILF and her 6 month old. So, the story I finally learn after about a month of dating is that she has 3 children the youngest is 6 months old and her ex still lives at the house. He is suffering form some type of neuromuscular disorder that is progressive so is out of work also. Essentially, she is caring for him as well. This evening since the plan was to be out later she decided it would be best to take the baby rather than leave him with all three children. Anyway, "baby's are portable, she'll sleep right thru the movie". It was a lot to digest naturally. We changed plans, ordered in, drank the wine, and ended up not letting small things get in the way of an enjoyable evening.

It was also the last time we dated. I see her every once in awhile in target. Very cordial, kids are all in school now and she works full time. Never did ask about her ex. Funny thing is that if we had met at this point things could have been different but that was the first of many "too sooners "that I've had a relationship with.


lorasolomon said...

Great story, thanks for sharing

Tom Klaus said...

Thanks, Pete! Great, funny story, and truly tragic. I appreciate your sharing it. Now, if any woman shows up at my door with a car seat...